*A thing or so I learnt *

I know I have been missing in action lately, but I’ve just been so busy, and still am. Today was literally my only day off from work plus school for like since forever :P lol…but it all starts back tomorrow.

I wanted to blog about my experience over the last year (as I just turned 23), and my over all experience of university life…but before that…I got accepted to teachers college today – the school that I got accepted to was my first choice also …the law school idea just wont be happening for September 2011, maybe September 2012…who knows
Anyways…

Looking back at myself, when I started off in university I can honestly say – I am not the woman today! I was insecure about myself, and my ability to succeed academically, and in life! I took for granted the people in my life, and did not appreciate how wonderful life is, and how amazing I can be if I try!

It was my third year in university, after being on academic warning for having a GPA not high enough, and just looking around, and seeing the people around me that gave me some perspective. I told myself, it was time to change ( I don’t actually remember doing this ) but something came over me, where I knew I could do better for myself, in every aspect of my life.

This is my fifth year (yes, I spent an extra year in university) but I’m young, and it was all in good fun! Adjusting to this new role was so weird, I swear. In class I would talk more, and the teachers would acknowledge that, I saw a drastic improvement in my over all GPA…and by the end of the third year I was NO longer on academic warning.

By the time my fourth year rolled around. I started to be more creative in my interaction with class mates, and with my ability to write an essay, prepare for an exam, and present in front of people. Currently, as I’m typing this, I’m making it seem easy, but uni life is not easy, it was just the outlook I started to have. It did not happen over night, it actually took 2-3 years to get into this groove, and of course I still struggle, but I am able to manage my struggling a whole lot better.
Before university, my personality is not what it is today. I learned to value the people in my life, but also value life itself. I have come to show respect to people of all kind, even if I don’t know them. I learnt that people will not always be how you want them to be, and guess what, TOTALLY FINE! Lets put a blind eye to it, because there are things so much more important. It’s difficult sometimes, and that’s okay, we are only human to think negatively every once and while.

Life will always be a struggle, and we will always have obstacles in life. I try to stay calm, and enjoy today! When things are meant to be, they will be. Sounds like a cliché but truly let life take its course! Having skin cancer, I will say has not defined who I am but has allowed me to see things in a brighter light! A little scare like that, has to have some positiveness come out of it right? Which by the way things are good right now!

I have a wonderful family, who I love! But I also have wonderful friends whom I love, and consider them family, and I can’t forget about my Mr. Curious who is so special to me. My friends are all beautiful and unique in their own way. I have to say that I look up to my friends and consider them a role model. When I see how beautiful and amazing their personalities are, I inspire to be like them! I don’t see all my friends to often, but we always are able to pick up where we leave off from the time before.

I want to finish off with this quote/saying I found on line (the author is unknown) but this is currently one of my fav quotes, so true!

I am a strong believer that as individuals we create our lives, with every thought every minute of everyday. Everything happens for a reason. Without these small "tests", life would be like a smoothly paved, straight road to nowhere, safe and comfortable but dull and pointless.

The successes and downfalls that we experience can create who we are, and bad experiences can be learned from to make us stronger. Be yourself, trust your intuition and surround yourself with people who make you smile, laugh and make u happy.

Good night everyone!

LSAT = serious insanity!

Hello my bloggers,

This year, as I have mentioned before I have applied to Law Schools in Ontario. The LSAT is mandatory, and is weighed heavily on your acceptance to a law school. I was having mixed feelings about how ready I was for the December testing, although I needed to write the test because it is the last chance to be looked at for September 2011 admission.

Anyways, today was LSAT day all around the world. The test started at 830 a.m and I had to be at the center at 7:30 am in London. I was up so early, like 6...I know for many that might be reasonable - but no not me. I couldn't fall asleep until 2ish.
With all the craziness I have had going on in the last month, plus trying to study for the LSAT, I have been feel really stressed. I felt like I have had so much on my plate lately, that I need a break from it all.

So today in my testing room, there was about 45 other students in the classroom. It was a very strict setting. We were not allowed to have cellphones WITH US AT ALL. We were not allowed to bring out jackets in the room - they needed to stay outside in the hallway on the floor, you know where they can possibly go missing. We were all in assigned seat (I was seat 218). We are only allowed to go to the washroom on break, unless it is an emergency, but you do not get extra time. This rules are strict, but they depicted efficiency and organization.

I have to think of alternatives for September, if I will not be attending any law school. I am planning on applying to some places, a place where I can gain experience, I have a few places in mind, so hopefully something works out. Of course, my dream would be lawschool in September.

Although, today's experience was so difficult. I want to stay positive, but if needed, I will write the LSAT in June for September 2012. I was running out of time in each section, so when the proctor said 5 minutes left for section (whatever section I was on), the letter C suddenly became the answer for the left over questions. The experience was good, I'm glad that I did take the test today, so I am prepared if I need to write again. Prior to today, I wasn't really sure what to expect, in terms of administrative work. I also talked to many students who recommended great tutoring programs that I may look into, who knows. I also feel like I can take a little breather for a little while in terms of LSAT studying. We don't find out our scores until January!

As stressful as it was, and costly it was to apply to lawschool and to write the exam, I know that there is a plan for me...and whatever it is, I know God will help me through it.

As for now, I am extremely tired, I am going to visit my grandparents for their anniversary and I am going to SLEEP! I am exhausted!

S.

Health update & other exciting news!

So before I start this post, I must welcome the newest addition to my family, my little bud L! My sister-in-law had a beautiful boy this morning, 7 pounds!! I just want to squeeze and kiss him! I got to quickly meet him this morning and again tonight with my other 2 year old nephew. I love them both!

Random news: I am writing my LSAT December 11th, am I ready? NO...but I have to realize if it doesn't work out this time around, I will re write, and find a plan, and to just try my best!

Some other news...
Yesterday, Women's College Hospital called me and asked me if I was interested in having my surgery today because they had a cancellation. Of course, I said YES!!!!
My appointment was at 12, and I didn't leave until 4 30! I got a complete body scan, which will help monitor any irregular moles, or any changes in any spots. I also got the rest of the skin cancer removed on my ankle/bottom leg (I hope). Its a big scar, and I was extremely nervous. It took 10 needles to numb it, and I HATEEEEEEEE needles so that was the toughest part. After 10 minutes I couldn't feel anything, which was good. I still feel numb so hopefully when the numbing goes away it wont be TOO bad. I got 16 stitches!!

I knew I was in good hands because I had one of the best surgeons in CANADA! (I heard from many people he is good, and of course I had to research on google for my self lol).

Since I found out that I had melanoma, I was constantly on google late at night, typing practically everything you can think of in the search engine. I learnt that, there are so many young girls my age who have/had melanoma! About 90% (my own rough estimate lol) of the stories that I read, mentioned that they use to tan when they were at a young age. Once I decided to stop tanning, I came to realize that I had 2 addictions, an addiction to be dark, and an addiction to tanning. In my own opinion, I feel for every young girl who uses tanning for the reasons I used it, to cover your natural beauty. I kinda wanted to do something about this, but really, what can I do? how could I even get involved

Well...today while my doctor was stitching me up, he asked me my thoughts about tanning. I told him I use to tan...all through highschool and the first two years of university. I knew it was bad, but the professionals at the tanning salon made me feel like it was a healthy way. Its not there fault, I was just too blinded by it all. Anyways, he asked me if I would be interested in helping him out with his campaign that will be happening in the spring, to share my story. I was pretty happy about that!!

He also told me something funny, I thought (funny in a weird way). He told me that a owner of tanning salon in our area called his office and asked him to stop telling patients that tanning causes skin cancer!! My doctor responded accordingly but I just thought it was interest lol!

Okay, thats all for now, I am going to catch up on all the blogs I have been missing!!

xox.
S

When life doesn't go how you planned

Hello my bloggers, this blog entry today is something that is personal, and yet I feel will help me by sharing it.

The last two years I have buckled down overall, I worked hard in school, and work part time on the weekends. I try my hardest to balance work, school and a social life, sometimes it can be difficult.
I just applied to Law school, and I am writing my LSAT December 11th, so I feel so stressed because its so close and I'm not anywhere near being ready. I'm also thinking of applying to teacher's college, as a back of plan! Who knows, will see.

I seem to have all these big plans, expecting life to always fall in place, it is not always the case and I finally realized that. I've been seeing a dermatologist for the last year, and on my last visit she said my results should be in soon, but after that I wont have to see her so often.

Last Friday she phoned me and to let me know that my results were in, and that I have skin cancer. She told me over the phone, because there was a mix up in the past between her telling me results and my own family doctor. I kinda appreciated that because I would have been so worried if she said she needed to speak to me. She said that I have caught it at an early stage, and I will need surgery. The conversation ended so quick, BUT at the time, I had nothing to say, even though I had a million questions and thoughts running through my head. The main thing was...AHH IM ONLY 22 AND I HAVE CANCER, I kinda didn't believe it, because its just one of those things that you know can happen but you dont think it will.

I went to see her today, plus my family doctor, right now they are more concerned about how I am coping with the stress of all this and what are the next steps in preventing it from spreading. To be honest, I am worried but she told me that she is sending me to the best team of surgeons in Ontario that deal strictly with melanoma patients. The thought of someone saying you have cancer, is enough to make anyone feel down, but I did alot of research and I've learned alot. I dont leave my house unless I am wearing 30 sunblock (I have been doing this already for the last year), and I plan to wear sunglasses alot more because melanoma in the eyes can cause alot of damage. I also do not plan on soaking up the sun how I once did. At first I freaked out because of the summer holidays plus winter vacation, but that just means I have more time to be active and do fun things that I never did because I would just wanted to lay in the sun.

I am waiting for my doctor to call me back to tell me when I am going to women's college hospital to meet with my surgeon. My situation is dangerous and pretty severe but I do know that there is someone out there that is in a worst situation and I should be lucky that I will be monitored and it will be surgically removed.

Everyone around me keeps saying how relaxed I seem about it, I'm not as relaxed as it seems, its just I have to talk about it on my terms, and when I'm ready. I feel like I have all this pressure now, and how I should be when I'm outside, and what I should be doing differently. I already know this stuff, I have known this the day I decided to stop using indoor tanning beds. I did research before, unfortunately damage was already done to my body, the only thing I can do now is be more pro-active in taking care of myself

This made me realize how crazy and how many of us, well me any way take the littlest things for granted, lucky for me my cancer is treatable, but there are many people's whose isn't.

Another important thing I learnt, is that if you feel uneasy its probably best to go get checked out before its too late, because if I wasn't already seeing a dermatologist I would have never found out because I don't really feel different or sick for that matter.

One last note, just when we think things can't get any worse, THEY DO, and they did. BUT...just when you think things can't get any better, they do, and they will!!

xoxo

S.

Spare some change?

A thing or two that bothers me...

Late this afternoon I arrived downtown and was walking to the building I needed to get to where I noticed a homeless male holding a sign that said 'looking for employment, please spare change'. I never thought too deeply about this man but as people walked by he was begging for their money. Normally, if I feel at ease with giving a homeless person money, I may spare them something small, this time I chose not to. I know many people who choose not to give any money ever, and frankly to each their own. The way I look at it is, regardless what they choose to do with the money its their buisness, I did my part.
There is a stereotypical assumption that all homeless people are criminals......is this true, absolutely not! Yes, many homeless people are forced into certain survival habits because they have not been given an opportunity for more. I certainly understand this, but I do know my safety is more important then giving someone 50 cents. Anyways back to my story...
Late this evening I was starting to head home, and around the time I was leaving it was fairly dark, it was past 9:00. I had to pass the area that homeless man was earlier, and to my surprise he was still there. I thought to my self when I saw him from far, wow he says he is trying to look for employment but its been 4 and half hours since I last saw him, in the same spot, doing the same thing.
Anyways, as I walked past him, he said hey, you spare me change please I am poor. I felt uncomfortable so I continued to walk but was worrid because in less the 10 foot steps from him, I have to turn into an allyway to walk to my car (in which by the way I ran). When he noticed I ignored his request, he actually got upset and said 'dont pretend you didn't hear me, your just trying not to make eye contact, it's cause I'm poor'.
When I got to the car, I started to think, no sir thats not why I didn't look at you...I feel for you I do, but in the society we are living in getting help starts from yourself. You stayed in the same spot from my understanding for over 4 hours, how do you think you are going to find employment by doing that. I'm being mean but seriously what bothered me is that you expect me, a woman walking alone at night downtown to bend over backwards and give you money. NO I will not do that!! This is exactly, what I would have love to say him...

Excuse me, you do not know me, nor do I know you! I dont know what brought you here, and you dont know what brought me here. When people give you money, be thankful, when people do not...dont get mad and start yelling. You are begging me for money but guess what...I should be able to walk on this street and feel like I shouldn't have to run when YOU get upset because I didn't give you change! AND another thing, many homeless people get upset and feel like people are being mean to them by IGNORING THEM, but its just individuals like you, who have made girls walking alone down the street AFRAID, yes afraid to make eye contact.

I truly am venting, I do indeed feel for those who are not fortunate, even thoose who struggle because of their own fault but it can be very scary when you are alone, and pre concieved stereotypes are being reminded in your head because a homeless person is snapping on you because you chose not to give him any money.

Anyways that was my blog for the day!

Goodnight.

Crazy days!

I know I haven't been much of a blogger these day but I am here now, which is what matters. Today I am going to blog about something that I have been dealing with for a while which gave me a HUGE scare!
When I was in highschool and first half of university, my fav past time was tanning - seriously it was a hobby and I got addicted. I always told my self I could stop when I wanted but everytime I tried and my tan would fade even just a little, I would go crazy and say to my self 'ok one more month and I'll stop' or 'ah, I have my gf's birthday next weekend and then a wedding the weekend after etc etc'. I always had a reason not to stop.
In May 2009, I was on my computer and was doing an essay when I decided to stop take a look at my self and realize, I have like 100 little beautymarks/moles in which I HATE them all! What did I do, I visited my old friend Mr. Google...and guess what Mr. google told me......BAD THINGS! I started getting really worried and told my self that once my exams were over I really need to get checked out. I did, and this was where I stopped tanning in tanning beds and very rarely tan outside during the summer. My doctor told me I really had nothing to worry about but he would send me to a dermatologist to make me feel at ease. It took 3 months to get the appointment and in November 2009 I finally went to see a dermatologist. She was really nice, but really serious. She told me that some of the moles on my body raise concern and I need to now take extra care...which I have been trying!
Since November I have removed 10 moles, 2 of which have had to be removed twice as they have come back. I had my 3 month check up last week where I removed two and my doctor just reminded to make sure I am protecting myself against the sun.

I actually grew to love my self not being tanned as crazy as it sounds and I have now realized that I wasted alot of money and gained wrinkles on something that is temprorary and really not worth it.

My dermatologist is really good so up until Sunday night I really had no worries about my issue with my skin. I started watching grey's anatomy lately, and I am on season 5 where Izzy (for those of you who watch it) gets diagnosed of melanoma from just removing one mole. It bothered me and started to get me thinking so I went to Mr. google again. This time I have more information on the type of moles I have which all come back as dyplastic. Google over mentions that those who have dyplastic nevus has higher risks of melanoma espesically if they have a history of being exposed to the sun = ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried hard not to think about it and ended up going to sleep. The next day my family doctor called mentioning he'd like to see me tomororw (which was Tuesday) regarding my last weeks results. Of course at this point, I'm thinking...first, why is my family doctor calling me about my results when this is like the 5th time I'm waiting on results and I always deal with it with my dermatologist, secondly, why hasn't she called me, and thirdly, I'm thinking worst case scenario.

I went crazy that night because I was thinking of grey's anatomy, google, and trying to figure out why he wants to see me.

Anyways, the next day I ended up sleeping in because I went to bed so late, I missed the first half of my class, and was barely hungry - which is SO UNUSUAL!
Lucky for me, I had a friend after class who was trying to assure me its not a big deal, and trying to keep my mind off of things until I had to go to my appointment. I decided to go earlier then 4:30 pm (my appointment).
I get there at 1 30 and my family doctor is out for lunch for an hour...I decide to go to the dermatologist office as they are in the same building and they were so confused because they did not get my results and were unsure as to why my family doctor was calling me about it and why he got them before the derma office.
Anyways, they managed to get the results and told me all was fine and they were a bit upset that my family doctor would call me for NOTHING.
This in fact was not true, my family doctor was looking out for me and my well being. He is aware of the family history in my family and how many extended memebers have had cancer so he wants to assure that I am being treated properly. The results were not completely fine - BUT NOT WORRYSOME like how I had been. The results just simply indicated that one mole was severely dyplastic which means if it is not removed from the root it will spread quicky in my body and possibly (not necessarily) turn into melanoma.

Anyways this post is really long, lol...but the good news is my family doctor spoke to my derma doctor and I have another appointment on Tuesday for a removal.

I hope everyones week is going well, not to stressful, and the weekend is ALMOST here !

Finally a day to relax and yesterday's thoughts

Today I finally got a day to relax. I have had such a long week, early school mornings and late working nights. I enjoyed my day off with Mr.curious...I had such a busy week that I barely got to spend any time with him...but today made up for it :). We just relaxed, talked, and enjoyed eachothers company - he is the best !!

Last night, I worked until 10 pm...I got the opportunity to meet a new employee. She got comfortable very fast and felt the need to explain her past history. I wont get into that but she definately has hurt and has been hurt in the past. With out even her having to explain her past it was evident in her outlook on life. I felt for her - and did not say anything because I do not know her too well, and not sure how she'd react.
I have a point to this story, in which I will get to, promise. The mail delievry guy comes in often so he is able to distinguish whose new and whose not. He began to talk to her as I stood beside her and she also felt very comfortable telling him, her past history. He on the other hand was different from me, he decided to give her his opinion. He felt that she has a negative out look on life - although he does not know her own journey he did say 'your are the captain of your destiny, you have a say'. Out of everything they talked about that interested me the most...and maybe right now this individual does not agree or even realise that that is really good advice. Its sometimes hard to take advice but we always have to remember that when you think you have it bad, someone out there really does have it worst. Your not alone in this place that we sometimes feel like we are...we just need to learn from the past, and put your mind forward, you gotta think positive because your mind works stronger than you think. Anyways...I just thought I'd share strong words that came my way yesterday.

I hope you all have a wonderful long weekend :)

S.

Don't compare your life to others

Today I feel like blogging about something that often bothers me. All of us in life are faced with obstacles that are difficult or feel difficult to over come. Many of us, can put a smile on our faces and try to cope with what we have. Alot of us try not to talk about our personal life with those who maybe 'outsiders', which to them, they probably feel like you have it all. The reason I think that...is because it is evident by their attitude and expressions towards your life.



I saw something very powerful on the internet and decided to save it, it said "Don't Compare your life with others, you have no idea what their journey is all about". This is so true and so powerful. I dont like to tell people how they should think but...I do think people should consider this before judging someones personal life. I come from a world that I am blessed in the sense to come home to family, to be given the opportunity to go to school and what not but I am most definately faced with obstacles. Like many, I choose not to talk about my obstacles on my lifes course except to really close friends, and therefore for those who see me from the 'outside' world see a shield. Many people place an invisable shield which blocks out the ability to express their obstacles or paths in their own journey. I think this is totally ok and acceptable...what I don't think is okay though is those outsiders always judging because they don't truly know that persons journey nor do they need to know.

Your life is your life, my life is my life......all that should really matter is living it, loving it, and learning from it. What makes you happy, is all that really matters, what other people have to say or judge is rooted from the unhappiness in their life. As hard as it maybe, the important thing is, never feel discourage or bothered my the judgement of others on your life journey.

Anyways, that was on my mind..........on a different note...today was a long day for me at work, but I was happy to be headed home, but got completely soaked from the rainy weather. I am happy to finally be home, but am toooo lazy to do laundry...I desperately need to start it lol.

Tomorrow is my mommy's birthday...and the first day of the LSAT prep course I joined. Although I am skipping out on the course and will re-make it on Friday because we are going for dinner :)

S.