When life doesn't go how you planned

Hello my bloggers, this blog entry today is something that is personal, and yet I feel will help me by sharing it.

The last two years I have buckled down overall, I worked hard in school, and work part time on the weekends. I try my hardest to balance work, school and a social life, sometimes it can be difficult.
I just applied to Law school, and I am writing my LSAT December 11th, so I feel so stressed because its so close and I'm not anywhere near being ready. I'm also thinking of applying to teacher's college, as a back of plan! Who knows, will see.

I seem to have all these big plans, expecting life to always fall in place, it is not always the case and I finally realized that. I've been seeing a dermatologist for the last year, and on my last visit she said my results should be in soon, but after that I wont have to see her so often.

Last Friday she phoned me and to let me know that my results were in, and that I have skin cancer. She told me over the phone, because there was a mix up in the past between her telling me results and my own family doctor. I kinda appreciated that because I would have been so worried if she said she needed to speak to me. She said that I have caught it at an early stage, and I will need surgery. The conversation ended so quick, BUT at the time, I had nothing to say, even though I had a million questions and thoughts running through my head. The main thing was...AHH IM ONLY 22 AND I HAVE CANCER, I kinda didn't believe it, because its just one of those things that you know can happen but you dont think it will.

I went to see her today, plus my family doctor, right now they are more concerned about how I am coping with the stress of all this and what are the next steps in preventing it from spreading. To be honest, I am worried but she told me that she is sending me to the best team of surgeons in Ontario that deal strictly with melanoma patients. The thought of someone saying you have cancer, is enough to make anyone feel down, but I did alot of research and I've learned alot. I dont leave my house unless I am wearing 30 sunblock (I have been doing this already for the last year), and I plan to wear sunglasses alot more because melanoma in the eyes can cause alot of damage. I also do not plan on soaking up the sun how I once did. At first I freaked out because of the summer holidays plus winter vacation, but that just means I have more time to be active and do fun things that I never did because I would just wanted to lay in the sun.

I am waiting for my doctor to call me back to tell me when I am going to women's college hospital to meet with my surgeon. My situation is dangerous and pretty severe but I do know that there is someone out there that is in a worst situation and I should be lucky that I will be monitored and it will be surgically removed.

Everyone around me keeps saying how relaxed I seem about it, I'm not as relaxed as it seems, its just I have to talk about it on my terms, and when I'm ready. I feel like I have all this pressure now, and how I should be when I'm outside, and what I should be doing differently. I already know this stuff, I have known this the day I decided to stop using indoor tanning beds. I did research before, unfortunately damage was already done to my body, the only thing I can do now is be more pro-active in taking care of myself

This made me realize how crazy and how many of us, well me any way take the littlest things for granted, lucky for me my cancer is treatable, but there are many people's whose isn't.

Another important thing I learnt, is that if you feel uneasy its probably best to go get checked out before its too late, because if I wasn't already seeing a dermatologist I would have never found out because I don't really feel different or sick for that matter.

One last note, just when we think things can't get any worse, THEY DO, and they did. BUT...just when you think things can't get any better, they do, and they will!!

xoxo

S.